2014년 12월 6일 토요일

Final draft!

Final Draft

"Controlling and calming down one's mind during physical activity can cause advanced result?"  
 

 

 Everyone who lives in the earth and all of them, may be interested in well-being and their health. Also they may concern physical ability and physical activity everyday. Naturally, people are interested in how to enhance their physical ability and how to get advanced result in every activities. Especially, in sports games, players have to enhance their physical ability to make a better score. Then they have to do special things that can bring physical advance. Although there are many ways to improve their results, I think a concentration and calming down one's mind during physical activity can cause advanced score and enhanced physical ability the most than anything. Before starting, you should know the definition of a word, "concentration". Concentration on something involves giving all your attention to one thing. In other words, spend all of your concerns to it. Calming down one's mind is acting like control one's condition and state. Now, I'll tell you a article "Controlling and calming down one's mind during physical activity can cause advanced result?". I agree this article and I'll give you some reasons through many evidences that can prove my opinion.
  I want to confine effect of concentration to physical activities. Controlling one's mind or calming down one's mind can influence the results of sport games or physical activities strongly. There is a experiment that prove that concentration can make advanced physical ability. According to STEMWiki Hyperlibrary's study, Concentration can bring advanced and a better result. Let's figure out specifically. The same argument applies whether the reaction involves collision between two different particles or two of the same particle. In order for any reaction to happen, those particles must first collide. These are true whether both particles are in solution or whether one is in solution and the other a solid. If the concentration is higher, the chances of collision are greater.  Thus, naturally we can have advanced physical ability for getting a better result.



  Likewise there is a experiment too. According to beverley high school, If you increase the concentration of the substrate in an enzyme controlled you will speed up the a chemical reaction. The reason for this is as follows: The substrate and the enzyme need to come into contact with each other for a reaction to proceed. When the two meet they join for a brief moment while the reaction is catalysed, before separating. If there are very few substrate particles in the solution, it will take time for them to bump into an enzyme molecule. Increasing the substrate concentration means the chance of the collision between a substrate molecule and the enzyme is increased also. A little like packing more people into a room. The more people there are the more people you would bump into. This does not increase indefinitely though. There comes a point when the enzyme is working as fast as it can. The time taken for the enzyme to catalyse the reaction when they come into contact with each other limits how fast it can go.
Through this experiment, we can know effect of concentration or calming down one's mind.

 Also, An adequate level of physical activity may maintain or promote work ability. We can know that physical activity can bring better results when we make adequate level of physical activity by controlling one's mind or concentration. Actually, according to my survey from 50 students, 42 of 50 students feel that their physical ablity is advanced or have better records when they control their mind and concentrate more in physical activities, like sport games.
 Additionally, According to my case, when I play sports or do physical activities, I feel enhanced physical abilities and can have better scores when I calming down my mind and concentrate more than before in badminton, basketball, soccer, all of sports. So I search more in physical activities not especially in sports. Then, results are same. In every physical activities, I can get better score when i concentrate more.
 From these we can know that controlling one's mind, condition and calming down one's mind during sport games or physical activity is very important things. That is because these behaviors can enhance physical ability and increase reaction rate, so they can get better scores. Also through these behaviors, they can control their mind stable. 

 I think Opponents who don't agree with my thoughts may say that a  better result and concentration or calming down are not related. They will think that is just coincidence. However that is not realistic, just suggests. As I mentioned before, concentration causes a chemical reaction to enhance reaction rate more. These means that there are relations between concentration and advanced physical advance. Additionally, I think opponents will say that concentration is just one way of mental controlling and it is seemed that influence one's ability and results. However I think a concentration and calming down one's mind while sports game are the most important way to get better results. Although there are many ways, these are the most influential, powerful way. A chemical reaction and enzyme reaction in our body prove that.
Fth
 Until now, I mention about "Controlling and calming down one's mind during physical activity can cause advanced result". As I said, there are many evidences why I think like these. Our body knows it, we know ourselves, result of research prove it. These are enough to prove this argument. What are needed more? Especially in physical activities, concentration and calming down one's mind have very important role. These are the most effective, powerful ways to make advanced results and enhanced physical ability. Already, many sports players know this and use in many matches. If you do these properly, you can get benefits from these in physical activities. Concentration and calming down one's mind is related with our brain, and control brain. So brain can control our body and make our physical abilities enhanced. These are not just coincidence. These are the results of body and brain's interaction. Thus, If you control or calm down your mind(escape from exited condition), you can cause advanced result and enhanced physical abilities.

 

 

APA citation + additional research


APA citation


 Work Ability, Physical Activity, and Cardiorespiratory Fitness: 2-year Results From Project Active
  An adequate level of physical activity may maintain or promote work ability in aging workers. Project Active is a randomized trial comparing a Lifestyle physical activity program with a Structured exercise program in sedentary
http://journals.lww.com/joem/Abstract/2000/09000/Work_Ability,_Physical_Activity,_and.12.aspx


 UC Devis Chemwiki - The Effect of Concentration on Rate of Reaction
 For many reactions involving liquids or gases, increasing the concentration of the reactants increases the rate of reaction. In a few cases, increasing the concentration of one of the reactants may have little noticeable effect of the rate. These cases are discussed and explained further down this page. Don't assume that if you double the concentration of one of the reactants that you will double the rate of the reaction. It may happen like that, but the relationship may well be more complicated.





 The Effect of Concentration of Substrate on the Rate of an Enzyme Controlled Reaction - Beverley High School.
 If you increase the concentration of the substrate (the chemicals involved) in an enzyme controlled you will speed up the chemical reaction. 




he way that changing the concentration of a solution affects the rate of a reaction. Be aware that this is an introductory page only. If you are interested in orders of reaction, you will find separate pages dealing with these. You can access these via the rates of reaction menu
http://www.chemguide.co.uk/physical/basicrates/concentration.html




Additional research

THE EFFECT OF CONCENTRATION ON REACTION RATES

This page describes and explains the way that changing the concentration of a solution affects the rate of a reaction. Be aware that this is an introductory page only. If you are interested in orders of reaction, you will find separate pages dealing with these. You can access these via the rates of reaction menu (link at the bottom of the page).

The factsWhat happens?
For many reactions involving liquids or gases, increasing the concentration of the reactants increases the rate of reaction. In a few cases, increasing the concentration of one of the reactants may have little noticeable effect of the rate. These cases are discussed and explained further down this page.
Don't assume that if you double the concentration of one of the reactants that you will double the rate of the reaction. It may happen like that, but the relationship may well be more complicated.


Note:  The mathematical relationship between concentration and rate of reaction is dealt with on the page about orders of reaction. If you are interested, you can use this link or read about it later via the rate of reaction menu (link at the bottom of the page).


Some examples
The examples on this page all involve solutions. Changing the concentration of a gas is achieved by changing its pressure. This is covered on a separate page.


Note:  If you want to explore the effect of changing pressureon the rate of a reaction, you could use this link. Alternatively, use the link to the rates of reaction menu at the bottom of this page.


Zinc and hydrochloric acid
In the lab, zinc granules react fairly slowly with dilute hydrochloric acid, but much faster if the acid is concentrated.

The catalytic decomposition of hydrogen peroxide
Solid manganese(IV) oxide is often used as a catalyst in this reaction. Oxygen is given off much faster if the hydrogen peroxide is concentrated than if it is dilute.

The reaction between sodium thiosulphate solution and hydrochloric acid
This is a reaction which is often used to explore the relationship between concentration and rate of reaction in introductory courses (like GCSE). When a dilute acid is added to sodium thiosulphate solution, a pale yellow precipitate of sulphur is formed.

As the sodium thiosulphate solution is diluted more and more, the precipitate takes longer and longer to form.

http://www.chemguide.co.uk/physical/basicrates/concentration.html

Peer review

Peer review

20202 김요한



5 points

  • Technically perfect

  • Follows the classical argument

  • Displays an interesting and unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

  • Thought provoking and captivating

  • Clearly the product of extensive drafting and research

4 points
  • Technically perfect
  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Clearly the product of thorough drafting and research
3 points
  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Some evidence of drafting and research

2 points
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
0 points
  • Incomplete or inadequate
Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?      Thisessay ges 4 points. The topic and structure are interesting for me. .....................................................................................................................................

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
 This essay need to improve researches. It need to exact more researches to get a better grade.
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Thesis
What is the thesis?
Considering the honesty , White lies are not acceptable        .................................................................................................................................................

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
 Yes it is.
..................................................................................................................................................

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
 I don't agree that white lies are acceptable.
..................................................................................................................................................

Any other thoughts?
 Many people, include me, are interested in this, it is amazing.
..................................................................................................................................................

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
 I can see all the 5 parts of the classical argument.
..................................................................................................................................................

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
 Yes. It lead me to read interestingly and comfortably...................................................................................................................................................

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
 Yes, but I think this can be better when it has more universally instances and reasons.
..................................................................................................................................................

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
 Yes, the confirmation is well structed and have interesting contents to grab reader's attention
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Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
 Yes, but I think if he wrote more specific and plausible, this could be better.
..................................................................................................................................................

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
 Yes, I think conclusion is well summarized the article and emphasize his thought.
..................................................................................................................................................

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
 I think he should explain more why white lies are not acceptable and tell more specific details, instances around our life...................................................................................................................................................

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
 No, I have a little different thoughts tieh this thesis.
..................................................................................................................................................

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
 Yes, After read this article, I could agree this thesis.
..................................................................................................................................................

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
 I think through confirmation, my mind was changed.
..................................................................................................................................................

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
 Author has to mention "white lie" more and explain the thesis easily.
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Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
 Yes th used research effectively.
..................................................................................................................................................

Is the research from appropriate sources?
 Yes, but sources have to be related with thesis more.
..................................................................................................................................................

Are the sources obvious?
 Yes they are obvious. but if they are more specifie, it could be better...................................................................................................................................................

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
 Yes the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay
..................................................................................................................................................

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
 In my opnion, narration need more evidence to support the claims